Out and About to Chase the Blues Away

It's true that the simplest things can bring us back to ourselves. I have really down since I finished my job at Stockton because it feels impossible to find work at all, let alone something fulfilling and meaningful. Yes, I have dropped applications at retail stores in addition to the endless search for something literary/utilizing my skills and talents. But anyway. I was particularly dpressed today, so I decided to get out and enjoy the fresh air. I've pretty much been camped indoors since we moved in.

So I did a quick Google search of parks in the area, and came across Historic Smithville Park in Eastampton. I packed a lunch, hopped in my car and off I drove. As soon as I got behind the wheel, I felt better. There's just something about driving that relaxes me almost immediately. And since it was about 1:00, the roads weren't congested. As I headed south on Rt. 206, it started to open up to farm land and suburban hills. Beautiful.

After it was pointed out that I sit on the couch in front of my comuter all day (doing jobs apps, emails, and other nonsense), I realized I had become someone I don't like. I really hate a lot about myself these days, and though I try and keep my head and morale up, it's difficult. I need to make changes and I need to start by fixing me. And it sounds stupid, but going back to nature just felt right. Sitting here all day is alone time, but I wind up in a negative haze, and it just seeps into the walls (impressive considering the paint is about five inches thick in here!), and I breathe it in and stay in that funk. Yes, a park to expore was precisely what I needed to clear my head.

The first thing I saw when I pulled into the parking lot was this gorgeous old building. There's a mansion on the park grounds, and I assume this was probably a maid/butler house or something back in its day. I parked and set off to explore the trails. I was especially intrigued by the floating trail that was built over the lake. : )

Meandering along unknown paths and walking over cool bridges made me feel like I was a metaphor...going all these new places, alone, and figuring it out. Why was it so easy to find my way out there, and I can't do that in my real life. Of course, I had a map with me along the trail. I figured on the off chance I'd trip and fall and injure something critical, it was best to have my cell and a map so I could tell the authorities where to find my crumpled body. haha But really, it felt so good. I was breathing in fresh air, I was sweating, and I was feeling like myself again. I was able to see that I am in a rough place, but I was also able to see that I will get through it somehow. Something I've felt for a long time, but something that, in the confines of either my house or the apartment, I just couldn't feel (or believe).

I need to find myself again, and where I fit into this new world. I've been feeling so empty without school or a plan. I've always known what came next, and now I'm overwhelmed with not knowing anything. But for the moment, I feel good. The lungs and muscles got a work out and the mind blew out the cobwebs, too. Of course, my love for photography was renewed, and once again I was reminded that nothing I am good at is marketable. haha Oh, well.

That's all for now. Till next time, folks...