So I'm currently at Stockton while John attends his graduate school orientation. He will start classes next Wednesday, and I'm really excited for him. I think he feels he lost part of his connection to the science world when he left Stockton, and will be really good to get back into an academic community and to use that noggin again. Of course, I'm not fully ready for John the Student yet...the homework stress, the long days, the papers. But I really am proud of him for achieving a goal he's had his mind on for a very long time.
I am also thinking that by the time our families come for his graduation, they may need a new set of directions...the Campus Center is well under construction (very different from the heap of dirt and feeble foundation that I saw last), there are new signs all over campus, there are newly-paved roads, and there are fewer familiar faces here now. For example, my brain automatically tuned to, "Let's go see KT!" Then I was reminded, gently, that he retired. So sad to imagine a Stockton without one of its founding fathers. The new generation of LITT kids is truly missing out.
As classes get closer and closer (next Wednesday evening will be John's first class), I'm beginning to think about how I'll spend my evenings alone. Eating alone kind of depresses me, but it also is kind of freeing to cook whatever I want, in a quantity for one, I can watch my girly TV indulgences, and I can hog snuggle time with the cat. But I don't want to just be a couch potato. Hopefully as the weather gets nicer I can work up to jogging again, and eventually I'll have wedding DIY stuff to do...make bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages...place cards, etc., and that will be nice to occupy my time cuz I've been craving a creative outlet that will allow me to work with my hands. I have two problems with the need to be crafty, however. One, I lack storage space for anything I create (so clutter-producing hobbies are out immediately), and two, I need something either free or cheap.
I realize that I am very isolated from my friends. Geographically, I mean. If I'm lonely on a Monday night, I can't really call someone up and say, "I'm bored. Let's hang out." I've been really lazy with writing, too. I just haven't felt very inspired and also haven't worked very hard to get inspired. That is frustrating and sad.
Today has had me thinking a lot about my time at Stockton, about community, and about how strange it is to be an alumni. I know these halls, these grounds. But I feel starkly out of place here now. I have no patience for the freshmen moving into the dorms and have had to flee groups of them all afternoon, and to go over by the lake will put me in proximity to the upper classmen, so that relaxing Adirondack chair by the Island won't be as serene as it is in my head. I'm an outsider now looking in on my own past. Very strange.
In other news, I was at the ENT this morning, and that was an adventure...had a camera shoved up my nose by a nice young doc, and it was, indeed, determined that I have a deviated septum on the left, and that my right half is equally a mess. So sometime in the next week or so I will have a CT scan to take a peek inside and see what the damage is, and then we'll go from there to determine a plan to get me breathing comfortably for the first time in my entire life. I can't imagine life without a stuffy nose, can't imagine actually enjoying breathing through yoga poses, being able to smell properly. It also scares me--if I actually need surgery, what if they mess up my nose? I'm sure the surgery to fix a septum is less invasive that a Heidi Montag Special, but still...I don't wanna look like Dumbledore in my wedding pics. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
More to come on the start of John's grad career, and on the Adventures of Maureen's Stuffed Schnoz.
Goodnight to you all from lovely Pomona, NJ.
2 comments:
I have found that sometimes you can jumpstart inspiration by forcing yourself to write. For a long time, I refused to believe that writing when I wasn't inspired was a good idea. How could it be any good if it didn't come from some sort of universal nudge in the right direction?
But I discovered sometime around January of this year that the academic approach - forcing myself to write, especially about things I normally wouldn't (a man wakes up with chopsticks for fingers?!), turned out some really interesting and intriguing pieces.
Also, I think altering my routine for writing - or, I should say, creating a routine for writing really helped. Instead of wandering around the house and eventually settling down half-heartedly with the laptop, I dedicated 3-4 hours each weekend to settling in at Borders, with a pair of headphones. There was nothing for me to do but focus, and it worked. I wrote something like 40 poems between January and June, enough to really start putting together the manuscript.
:shrug: Not saying it'll work for everyone, but just thought I'd share.
Thanks, Rachel! I'm glad I'm not the only one who struggles with channeling a lack of inspiration. Thanks for offering up some ideas and some camaraderie.
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