Off-Topic from Recent Posts, but Honest

My dear friends, I want to be up-front about something. For months I have been struggling with some pretty severe depression. I'm working on making it better, because I can't take waking up in a black pit every day anymore.

Some days are good days, and I feel like myself. Some days, however, are very bad, and I just feel awful and hate myself. I don't like the person I've become. That person is paranoid, harsh, negative to the point where I can feel others' eyes rolling, and just an overall prune to be around. I should take inspiration from my positive and happy friends, but instead of attempting to improve myself and rise to their level, I instead sprout a forked tail and try to drag them down to my level. Because it's dark and lonely, and it takes much less effort to just continue being a sour grape.

This has caused a particular problem at work, where I often feel confused about my depression, and have basically chosen not to say anything beyond my closest friends. But then I realize my behavior must just look bizarre to everyone else. Like, "Wow, that Maureen is a crazy broad." I often feel frustrated because let's face it, I'm at the bottom of the pecking order, so the higher-ups are probably wondering what I have to be worried about when my responsibilities are so small. Important, but small in comparison. I don't want to take time away from my coworkers', and especially from my bosses', ridiculously busy schedules, and so I kinda sit there, internalize everything, and just fester and rot from the inside. Which is totally unhealthy, and I know this, but I don't know what to do. 

I don't really have any words of wisdom, but just wanted to throw this out there. I think I've mentioned it in posts before, but I like to vocalize things because I'm then held publicly accountable. So here I am, now publicly accountable in my quest to get better.

I'll leave you with one of the things that has provided constant encouragement for me because it provides some much-needed laughter, but also really accurately describes how I have been feeling. I'm sure anyone who's gone through depressions can relate as well, and so I hope you fellows especially appreciate the sentiment of Hyperbole and a Half.